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Post by Figuremaster Les on Aug 30, 2005 21:31:33 GMT -5
One little piggy went to market,
One little piggy went to the bar and got stinking drunk,
One little piggy went to court for a D.U.I.
One little piggy went to....Vegas and...we'll come back to that one....
One little piggy went to Bangkok and got seriously laid,
Then...that one little piggy in Vegas went "wee wee wee wee" all the way home one rich little piggy!
Moral of the story? After you get home, don't tell anybody you went with the pig to Bangkok!
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Post by BlackKnight on Aug 30, 2005 23:41:09 GMT -5
You Guys RULE! This thread just keeps Rock'in!
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Post by aburabusimbutu on Aug 31, 2005 21:27:59 GMT -5
Two men, each with a black eye, get on an airplane. As it turns out they are seated together and they both notice immediately that they both have a black eye. "So how'd you get YOUR shiner?" The first man asks the second. "It's actually kind of funny," the second man answers, "It just happened this morning because of a slip of the tongue. I was at the airport ticket booth and there was a pretty nice lookin' young lady behind the counter. When I asked for my ticket to Pittsburgh I accidentally told her I'd like her to give me a one-way ticket to Tits-burgh. And she socked me right in the eye." 'That's weird," the first man said, "The same thing happened to me this morning- because of a slip of the tongue!! I was having breakfast with my wife, and I meant to say, 'Honey, could you please pass the Corn Flakes?' But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you F***ing Bitch!"
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 1, 2005 1:39:12 GMT -5
There once was a guy named Paul who performed in barooms & halls, His greatest trick was to stand on his d i c k and roll down the stairs on his balls. Will
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Post by Figuremaster Les on Sept 1, 2005 10:21:10 GMT -5
It's getting downright bawdy in here! ;D
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Post by BlackKnight on Sept 2, 2005 19:21:52 GMT -5
Damn , This is the greatest Thread Ever! Will, I think the guys name was Jason & not Paul! You get a Karma Point for that one, very cool! ;D
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 7, 2005 23:02:28 GMT -5
What do you get when you cross a St. Bernard with a Pitbull???
A dog that will rip your leg off then run for help. ;D
Will
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Post by BlackKnight on Sept 7, 2005 23:09:28 GMT -5
I love it Will! Thanks so much for the thread, it Rocks!
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 8, 2005 13:56:27 GMT -5
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 8, 2005 14:43:05 GMT -5
A little boy walks into his parents' room and sees his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mum sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mum and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mum, puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees, and blows it right back up again."
Will
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 8, 2005 15:01:43 GMT -5
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the Judge.
The Judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday."
Monday, the two guys were back in court.
The Judge asked the first guy "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, Your Honour," replied the guy, "I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever". "17 people?" the Judge asked. "Well, that's wonderful! What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, Your Honour. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this: "The big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable!" said the Judge.
To the second guy, the Judge asked, "And you, how did you do?" "Well, Your Honour, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people!
That's amazing!!! How did you manage to do that?!?!" "Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles ...o O
..and said:
(pointing to the small circle)
"That's your arsehole before you go to jail .........." ;D
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 8, 2005 15:17:05 GMT -5
Maria & Tony get married and immediately after the wedding reception, they move in with Marias Mamma. On the Wedding nite Tony removed his shirt, Maria shreiked and ran to her mother... "MAMMA MAMMA! Tonys agots hair alla over hisa back!" The Mother said,"It's ok Maria, alla men hava the hair on thier backs, Go back upa stairs" Maria returns and see's that Tony had removed his pants and she ran to her Mother.. MAMMA MAMMA! Tony he'sa gotta hair all over hisa legs!" Her Mother replied "That'sa fine Maria, Alla men hava the hair on their legs, go back up stairs." Maria returned to her husband and when Tony removed his socks, Maria noticed half of one foot missing from a war injury. She goes running again.. MAMMA MAMMA! Tonys a gota foot and a half! Her mother replied. Standa back maria, Thisa looks like a joba for jour Mamma! Will
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FeTuS
Flying Mouse
Posts: 13
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Post by FeTuS on Sept 9, 2005 0:03:41 GMT -5
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked." ;D
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Post by Wild Willy on Sept 9, 2005 0:48:57 GMT -5
nice one Fetus
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Post by radioscooter on Sept 11, 2005 20:11:56 GMT -5
Okay I've never posted in this thread but here's a couple pieces I made for a political satire online place (like the Onion) that asks me for contributions sometimes. I didn't do the composite photoshop work, just the text.
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