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Post by Wild Willy on Aug 18, 2005 17:57:47 GMT -5
How about.... A man was sitting reading the paper and he noticed his dog lift a leg and began peeing on the side of the couch.
The man yelled at the dog "OUTSIDE!! OUTSIDE!! he dragged the dog outside and decided to have a pee so he could show the dog."YOU SEE, THIS IS THE WAY!"
Later on the man noticed the dog stood up on his hind legs held his thing, while peeing on the side of the couch. ;D
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Post by Wild Willy on Aug 18, 2005 18:08:15 GMT -5
A guy was hitch hiking when a transport pulled up and offered him a ride. Their going along when out from the back crawled a monkey. The Hichhiker said,"Hey you have a pet monkey great!, he must be good company eh?" The trucker says "ya got that right, check this out" The Trucker hauled back and slapped the monkey in the side of the head sending him flying into the dash, afterwards the monkey crawed between the truckers legs and gave him a blowjob. The trucker said, not too shabby eh? would you like to give it a try" and the hitchhiker said, "sure I'd love to try, just don't hit me as hard as you hit the monkey" ;D
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Post by BlackKnight on Aug 18, 2005 18:31:44 GMT -5
Those jokes Rule guys! Man, those are some good ones!
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Post by faithfulbutler on Aug 18, 2005 19:22:08 GMT -5
That's a classic Andy,i've heard a similar version of that one.
Ok,here goes hope it's not too tasteless:
This guy's in a Bar and he spots a Girl he fancies.So he has a couple of quick Dutch Courages and goes up and says hello.They hit it off great and have a few more drinks toether when she says she has to go.He asks if he can see her again to which she says yes.He realises he doesn't yet know her name or where she lives so he asks her to write it down as he's a little drunk and likely to forget. She doesn't have a Pen so she says to remember that she lives straight across the street from the Bar in the Red House and her name was Franny.He says he's not sure if he can remember her name so she says"Just think Fanny with an R."He say thanks and he'll pick her up tomorrow night at 8. So all next day while he's at work he's saying to himself"Fanny with an R,Fanny with an R." He rolls up to her place at 8,walks up and knocks on the front door and her Father answers. He put on his most charming smile and says to her Father"G'day,i'm here to pick up Crunt!"
As i said i hope that's not too tasteless!
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Post by apeaholic on Aug 18, 2005 19:31:41 GMT -5
Will, It seems you've met my friends dog. That was a good one, but the monkey one really got me.
Andy, I think I just peed a bit in my pants!!! That was great!! Real funny stufff guys..
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Post by BlackKnight on Aug 18, 2005 20:03:30 GMT -5
Damn FB, Thats a good one! This thread Rules! ;D
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Post by aburabusimbutu on Aug 28, 2005 22:37:19 GMT -5
For the record, I asked Will's permission to tell this joke because of the language, don't read this to the kiddies.
Two young brothers- Tommy and Billy- are at the school playground. One of their classmates is using the "F" word and they notice that the other kids think it is really cool and grown-up. The next morning, the boys' mother asks Tommy what he'd like for breakfast. Tommy says, "Eh, I'll having some F****ing Pancakes." Outraged at what he has heard, Tommy's father takes off his belt, bends Tommy over his knee and wails the tar out of him- sending Tommy sobbing and crying to his room. The mother then asks Billy what he'd like for breakfast to which Billy replies, "Well I sure don't want no F****ing pancakes."
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Post by Wild Willy on Aug 29, 2005 9:02:11 GMT -5
That sounds like my house.
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Post by Wild Willy on Aug 29, 2005 9:17:25 GMT -5
Little Johnny and his friend Timmy are palying outside and Timmy asked " Hey Johnny, whats a thingy?"
Johnny said, "hold on I'll go ask my Dad" Johnny runs into the house yelling "DAD DAD! WHAT'S A thingy?" The father said "Well son dont tell your Mom I did this but Here is a PERFECT thingy" while whipping it out.
Johnny said, "Thanks dad" and went to join his friend. Timmy said "Did you find out what a thingy is?"
Johnny said "Yup" while he pulled his out and said " Ok this Would be a PERFECT thingy if it was just a few inches smaller" ;D
Will
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Post by faithfulbutler on Aug 29, 2005 19:55:18 GMT -5
They're crackers but Kev i've gotta say that one's priceless.I'll have to think of some more now that aren't too blue.
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Post by BlackKnight on Aug 29, 2005 22:03:38 GMT -5
Man, your guys's Jokes Rule! ;D I really like that F one Kev, & very intertaining Will! Keep them comm'in!
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FeTuS
Flying Mouse
Posts: 13
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Post by FeTuS on Aug 29, 2005 22:08:21 GMT -5
there is a single blonde mother trying to raise 3 kids on a low income. shes struggeling to get by so one night before bed she prays "dear Lord, could you please let me win the lottery just once, so i can give my kids what they need" she goes a couple weeks without winning anything and gets frusterated, she prays again "c'mon Lord im desperate, why wont you answer my prayer" just then she hears a loud deep voice from out of nowhere, "work with me my child, BUY A TICKET!"
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Post by BlackKnight on Aug 29, 2005 23:31:51 GMT -5
;D Very nice Fetus, you get a exzalted a Karma Point.
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Post by Wild Willy on Aug 30, 2005 9:04:42 GMT -5
Good one Dan, but now you done got me pulling out the "blonde jokes" There was a Burning building and in the 3rd storey window a Blonde a Brunette and a Red head were yellling to be saved. The men down below grabed a huge blanket, held it open and told the Brunnete to jump into it. The Brunette jumped and just befopre landing in the blanket the men quickly pulled it away, sending the woman splattering into the pavement. Then the Men called to the redhead to jump, they aexplained that they didnt like brunettes and that she would be saved. The Redhead jumps and before landing, the men pulled the blanket away sending her to her death as well. Then they called for the blonded to jump, they explained to her how much they loved blondes and assured her that they would not pull the blanket away. The Blond said " No way! I don't trust you guys, just lay the blanket on the ground and back away." Will
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FeTuS
Flying Mouse
Posts: 13
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Post by FeTuS on Aug 30, 2005 14:35:11 GMT -5
This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."
Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."
Again the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"
Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."
The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.
Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."
By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.
The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me." The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just f#cking with you, she's dead."
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